I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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