the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
