I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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