Where is the hickey?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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