I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it glows. i had to have it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
