im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Two words: nipple clamps
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