I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
