im having a threesome with these popsicles
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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