i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
