yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
