i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
