are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
