I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
