This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
