Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
