i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
