He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
