i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs