Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  My bed smells like naked

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes

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  (630): My bed smells like naked (414): Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes http://tfl.nu/anqj
  Replies (2) Good night (2549) Bad night (673)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

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  (603): i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening (508): yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night http://tfl.nu/fae5
  Replies (45) Good night (5533) Bad night (661)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Let me guess--your parents are cousins.

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  (337): Let me guess--your parents are cousins. http://tfl.nu/a2p5
  Replies (22) Good night (960) Bad night (4919)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".

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  (705): You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this". http://tfl.nu/puns
  Replies (39) Good night (8450) Bad night (873)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.

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  (403): I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/eq2k
  Replies (38) Good night (5311) Bad night (1146)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.

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  (469): I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed. http://tfl.nu/fhfj
  Replies (33) Good night (6122) Bad night (1104)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes

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  (405): i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes http://tfl.nu/6w2z
  Replies (10) Good night (5567) Bad night (1148)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.

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  (770): I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia. http://tfl.nu/25qr
  Replies (14) Good night (2656) Bad night (1394)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.

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  (303): I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list. http://tfl.nu/udqv
  Replies (4) Good night (903) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater

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  (717): Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater http://tfl.nu/z0ly
  Replies (3) Good night (476) Bad night (794)
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  (298): View more from

  The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You're the only meteorologist I listen to.

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  (298): The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations. (208): You're the only meteorologist I listen to. http://tfl.nu/2k8s
  Replies (3) Good night (2006) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.

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  (206): In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises. http://tfl.nu/t2bs
  Replies (4) Good night (1158) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.

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  (615): No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day. http://tfl.nu/93vi
  Replies (3) Good night (677) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?

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  (802): Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in? http://tfl.nu/o63r
  Replies (8) Good night (426) Bad night (1368)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk

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  (425): Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk http://tfl.nu/cwi2
  Replies (10) Good night (439) Bad night (277)

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