i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.