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Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im holly from the hills drunk
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Randomize
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