Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
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he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards