TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
