Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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