is your mom at the bar?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
