he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
