I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
