I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
