Kiss
Puke
Say something about gay babies.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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