So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
