she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
