I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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