The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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