just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
