I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Someone came in the potted fern
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
