I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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