No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"