rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
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I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..