I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
