We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
