i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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