am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
