This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
