no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ladies don't puke and tell
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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