Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
