We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
