It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
