I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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