Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
