I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
