You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
