I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
