btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
