I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize