rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
