I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
