Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm always down for nudity.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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