If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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