I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
