he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
