so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
