I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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