Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize