I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
