i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
