i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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