What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
