I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
