I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
