After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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