put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
