i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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