Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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