Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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