3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
