There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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