I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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