Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
