im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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