but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
